Oh Captain, The Captain?
by WhyNotJane
Summary: When the Nine-Nine gets a new Captain, they get THE Captain. Neither side is really prepared.


**This takes place directly after the end of season two- spoilers for the finale, if you haven't seen it. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"Do you think Wuntch'll have hired a miny-me to carry out her bidding?" Amy asked the squad, all eyes on the flashing numbers at the top of the elevator.

"Somehow, I don't think her minions will be as cute as Stuart, Kevin and Bob," Jake admitted, wishing he was brave enough to reach out and hold Amy's hand.

"Those little yellow guys are adorable," Terry admitted in a gravelly voice, still glaring at the elevator.

Rosa's stern scowl twitched, but she was smart enough not to say anything to the Sarge. Or perhaps the sombre mood had killed even Rosa's harsh sense of humour.

"Everyone to their desks," Terry ordered, sending the Nine-Nine into a mad rush of people looking busy.

"So we're not gonna stare accusingly as the new Captain walks into their doom, watching their face as they realise we're gonna make their life hell for taking Holt from us?" Jake muttered with none of his usual humour, sliding gracelessly into his broken spiny chair, "And on another note, we really need to get those elevators fixed. I'm pretty sure Scully could walk up the stairs faster."

Scully looked up, "My doctor says the only thing I can do fast is disgust people with my medical conditions. Or was that my wife?" he frowned.

"Ooo-kay," Jake muttered, trying not to grin goofily as Amy biting her lip awkwardly. He was pretty sure she'd grown more adorable since they had kissed. Given the fishy face Charles was making at him, along with slobbery sucking sound effects, he figured that he may have been a little too over the top with the goofy-ness.

"I'd rather act totally polite, so the new Captain have no idea what misery is going to hit them," Amy said to Jake, addressing his original comment.

"Love the plan, and I find the evil glint in your eye very sexy, in a leather catsuit kinda way," Jake offered, wincing as Amy kicked him under the desk.

"Ouch! Even playing footsie, you induce pain," he told her with a straight face. Amy rolled her eyes.

The elevator dinged.

Simultaneously, everyone turned and stared.

And stared.

Jake found himself speechless. It was an odd sensation, and he kind of wished Captain Holt was there to laugh at him.

Captain America-yes, the superhero, stood tall in the blue captain's uniform (police, not america) in front of the bullpen. He held his hat in one hand, and Jake almost missed the other clenching and unclenching tightly.

Captain America cleared his throat, the noise sounding like thunder in the silent office. Even the criminals were staring. Most also looked incredibly guilty.

"I think most of you have probably heard of me, but my name is Steve Rogers," Captain America said, and Jake heard the slight Brooklyn twang to his words.

"Surprisingly, there are very few alien invasions, so when I requested a day job, NYPD asked if I would mind joining the Nine-Nine. I'm really looking forward to getting to know everyone," he nodded slightly to himself as he finished, then immediately looked embarrassed.

He cleared his throat again, "Sergeant Jeffords, could I have a word?"

Terry sprung up from his seat, sending the spiny chair flying backwards.

"Yes, sir!" he nearly shouted, opening the door to Holt's office and following the Captain-THE Captain-in.

"I'm really glad we weren't glaring when he walked in," Jake whispered to Amy. When she didn't reply, he looked up at her, only to find her staring off into a space slightly above his left ear.

"Amy?" he asked carefully.

"Where is a good place to hide Hitchcock and Scully's bodies before they embarrass us?" she whispered.

"The fact you said 'bodies' instead of just 'Hitchcock and Scully' frightens me more than the thought of them embarrassing us in front of Captain America. No, wait," Jake screwed up his face, "yeah, I change my find. We're screwed."

Jake soon became aware of a hissing noise, and turned to find Charles turning blue in the face.

Rosa hit the man sharply across the shoulder blades, "Breathe, Boyle," she snapped, and the small man gulped air.

" _IthinkIpeedmypants_ ," Charles let out in a whimper.

Jake winced, "are we sure this isn't some elaborate prank by Wuntch?"

"I'm afraid we super soldiers don't have a sense of humour that I am aware of," an amused voice spoke behind him, and Jake spun around.

Captain America (Rogers?) grinned down at him. With his jacket off, tie loosened, and hands firmly in his pockets, he looked a lot more like a real life person and not an only formal hallucination.

"Did you just quote Men In Black at me?" Jake whispered in awe. Amy whimpered next to him.

Captain Rogers coughed, trying to conceal his laughter.

"Updates on the Thompson homicide?" he asked.

"It was definitely a crime of passion," Amy offered eagerly, jumping to her feet.

"Only question is, was it the wife, mistress, secretary, or ex-wife," Jake added helpfully.

"Jake," Charles hissed, "one doth not elude to adultery in front of a living national treasure."

"I'm not sure if I should comment on the shakespeare or the fact you reprimanded me. I gotta say, that prickled a little. Like a tiny needle," Jake hissed back, well aware, Captain America was watching the whole exchange bemusedly.

"I'm sorry, Jakey," Boyle whispered shamefully.

Captain Rogers nodded politely to the detectives and exited.

Rosa, who had been laughing during the whole awkward exchange, peered over her black sunglasses, her eyes following the Captain's ass.

"Damn, son," she hissed.

"Don't say son," Jake instructed. He almost expected Captain Holt's monotone to say it with him.

Charles sniffed the air, eyes fluttering shut, "Oh, he smells like cinnamon and apples," he whispered dreamily.

Amy took a surreptitious sniff, "And motorcycle oil," her eyes snapped open, "he rides a motorcycle."

"Duh," Rosa snapped, still eyeing the guy like a shark.

"Can I learn to ride your bike?" Amy asked her hopefully.

Rosa stared at her till she looked away, "So I'll take that as a 'no'?" she asked awkwardly.

Sarge loomed over them, glaring down like an angry mother bear.

"I think now would be a good time to remind you that our new Captain is a super soldier, and therefore has super hearing," he hissed.

Amy went pale, "oh no," she whispered as she sat down, eyes wide.

"What about Captain Holt?" Jake suddenly asked, an uncharacteristically worried expression on his face.

"Uh... I dunno. They're both really good guys. That's like trying to choose between two perfectly straight rulers," Amy said, expression still stunned.

"I don't think Captain Holt would appreciate that comparison," Jake commented, trying not to smile.

Amy frowned, "You're right. Like two perfectly wound clocks," she smiled to herself.

"Was it just me, or was that overly sexual?" Jake asked. Amy punched him.

* * *

Jake wrapped his hands around his beer, smiling at the Nine-Nine sitting up and down the bar. He'd been worried that their camaraderie would disappear when Holt left. He thought he'd miss this even more than he missed Holt.

"And he asked me to debrief him on the Thompson homicide," Amy was telling Gina gleefully. For once, the other woman was hanging on to every word she said.

Jake leant over to stage whisper in Amy's ear, "Is the pinnacle of goodness making you hot under the collar?"

Amy spluttered, and much to his surprise, Gina threw a peanut at him.

"For once in your life, no need to be ashamed, Santiago. I wanna sleep with him, and honour and truthfulness don't usually set my lady parts a-tingling."

"Amen," Rosa agreed, clinking her shot with Gina's then downing them together.

Amy turned and smiled shyly at Jake. He grinned back.

"So Gina, how's the new office going?" he asked.

"So awful!" she groaned tossing her hair back.

"Now I'm in public relations, apparently I have to be polite to the people who call, which is like trying to tell Tommy Lee Jones to smile. It's just not natural. But Captain Holt keeps telling everyone we're a package deal. I'm pretty sure he's trying to use my wonderful people skills to get us moved back to the Nine-Nine. But on the plus side," Gina brightened dramatically, "I got a massive pay rise. Get ready to feel guilty at Christmas, bitches, because I'm able to afford some santa smiley face plus present emoticons!"

"Thanks Gina!" Amy grinned.

"I didn't say I was giving you one," Gina told her, making Amy roll her eyes.

"I don't like this new Captain," Scully said waveringly to Jake.

"Why not?" Jake said, strangely at Scully like he was nuts.

"He's so young," Scully said gloomily, "what kind of experience has he got?"

"One, since when have you cared about experience, and two, Captain America? Ring a bell?" Jake asked.

"That old comic book hero? What's he got to do with the new Captain?" Scully asked, bewildered.

"How have you not been forced to retire yet?" Amy asked.

Scully shrugged helplessly.

* * *

Amy and Jake found themselves walking slowly down the streets, hands by their sides not quite touching, but occasionally bumping into each other.

"Would you be mad at me if I cheated on you with Captain America?" Amy broke the silence.

"We're together enough for it to count as cheating?" Jake asked hopefully.

Amy titled her head to the side, smiling while she awkwardly shrugged.

"Would you like us to be?" she asked.

"One hundred percent yes, no take backs," Jake said, tugging on her hand she paused.

"And I wouldn't be mad if you cheated on me with Captain America," he assured her.

Amy burst out laughing, "I wouldn't," she promised, "He's not that hot."

"Uhh, yes he is," Jake said nodding vigorously. Amy smiled at him, and tugged at his hand to get him to keep walking. But she kept her palm in his.

"So, can I cheat on you with Captain America?" he asked cheekily.

* * *

 **Please review. A second of your time makes my day.**


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